Xmas 2002 Card Description
2002 was the first year that we formally created a card. I'm not going to lie, we sent out a custom card the year prior but it was basically a photo of three huge snowmen that we built on a miracle snow day that we have never lived (yet) again. But in 2002, we made our own cards from scratch, and even printed names on the envelopes. It was a basic family card before unleashing my (John’s) sarcastic humor. Franki was 11 months old, Randi was eight, and we thought to show the girls together because we didn't get out much with our new baby the entire year. The country was still getting over the 911 incident that happened the year prior when Franki was a bun in the oven.
Xmas 2002 Card
Xmas 2003 Card Description
The feedback that we received from our first card in 2002 caused us to make another. Printing them and getting them out was painful, but the feedback was flattering. We were pretty sure that this would be the last year that we put in all the work because we started getting some pretty nice glossy, custom, commercially-created cards from friends (smart).
Xmas 2003 Card
Xmas 2004 Card
Xmas 2005 Card Description
In 2005 we started getting cards early from friends, and a couple of people wrote within their pleasantries that they enjoyed seeing our family photos and cited my previous year’s comment that was written on the back. I ran out of time to develop a new layout, so I just re-used my work from two years ago (notice the similarity), but I tried to sport a more profound statement on the back that I stole from Groucho Marx. We had many photos that Kathy would have liked to put on the card and agreed that we look into that (NEXT year).
Xmas 2005 Card
Xmas 2006 Card Description
Throughout 2006, a few friends and neighbors commented that they enjoy our Xmas cards, especially checking out the back before they put it away! So this year, instead of trying to be cute on the backside of the card, I thought to show my twisted sense of humor on the card artwork itself and see if that might tickle our audience more. I knew we had hit a home run when my father-in-law told me how hard he laughed.
Xmas 2006 Card
Xmas 2007 Card Description
Our 2007 card required more Photoshopping than all of our previous cards. (And probably the most ink!) I came up with the idea by imagining how presents might get delivered on Christmas, how our family could achieve that, and what we might look like in that process? Franki posed by hanging over the arm of the couch and cupped her hands. I stood on a chair to shoot Randi and Kathy. Franki loved the card, as did our close friends. Kathy's mom, Judy, HATED it and was sure to inform us immediately when it arrived. My brother Karl said, "I didn't get it." We then realized that my humor is “pretty out there”. But, this card caused people to tell us that they keep our cards and often attach them to their refrigerator to let their friends weigh in on my (strange) humor.
Xmas 2007 Card
Xmas 2008 Card Description
In 2008, because of the negative feedback we received from the elephant shooting me out its butt the year prior, I put "complaining Karen" right on the front of our card and an option to unsubscribe on the back. Friends who grew up with me know that I love to draw cartoons, and this one was a grin for me. I liked the artwork so much that we printed it on our envelopes for several years after. By this year, I believe we were on our second printer.
Xmas 2008 Card
Xmas 2009 Card Description
Our 2009 card was the first of which I used an Excel spreadsheet to print the recipient's name on the face. So, everyone that received our card that year read their name on Santa’s Nice list. That year, Tiger Woods was in the news, having made gobs of wrong choices. So, as Tiger’s name was moved to the Naughty list, Santa noticed a new name that took his place. I also responded to feedback that said our cards were better when there was a joke on the backside. Our best feedback was from my old boss, Fred Leach. That sealed the deal that my humor hit the mark.
Xmas 2009 Card
Xmas 2010 Card Description
By 2010, "Dancing with the Stars" was a family-favorite TV success in its 10th season. There was HUGE voting controversy, and the show refused to change its voting strategy. People complained about the winner, who wasn't Santa's favorite either. As well as sporting an angry Santa on a Christmas card, I was a little bolder with the backside comment that suggests using duct tape to silence little darlings. At this point, the feedback was sparse, and we went months without a mention.
Xmas 2010 Card
Xmas 2011 Card Description
In 2011, Brett Favre was often the topic of conversation among our circles and more. That year, he officially retired (again) after a season with the Minnesota Vikings. My corporate office was near Minneapolis, and I was beside myself to share this card with my co-workers and Packers’ friends. In this joke, Lenny the Elf misinterpreted and misspelled Favre's name and devised a girl's styling head for Santa to give to kids as a great gift item. Only kids from Farve's home state appreciated this scary toy.
Xmas 2011 Card
Xmas 2012 Card Description
This (2012) card idea came after months of two major news stories that shook me. First, Elmo got canceled from Sesame Street TV because of a sex scandal with his puppeteer. What does that have to do with Elmo?--a lot! Next, my favorite childhood snack lunch brand, Hostess, filed for bankruptcy, and my Twinkies and Moon Pies disappeared from store shelves. I suspect that Santa liked Twinkies as much as me and the combination of Elmo’s sex scandal news and his NOT sharing his stash of Twinkies, Santa threw Elmo out of the sled at 40-thousand feet over the Atlantic Ocean. I still don’t blame Santa; Moon Pie knockoffs are not as chewy and flavorful as I remember. Elmo was never found, but there are exciting conspiracy theories about him washing up alive on the north shore of Cuba and starting a Christmas ornament business (he’s such a Santa’s kiss-ass).
Xmas 2012 Card
Xmas 2013 Card Description
In 2013, ”Obamacare" was a household term and concept that was in the news the entire year. Unfortunately, they launched the website before it was remotely stress-tested, and people could not enroll and enjoy the free benefits. When Santa too was locked out of the Obamacare website, he noticed that Vixen had one follower on Twitter--1 more than Obama had from his website enrollments. This was my first tiny political jest, and the feedback lit up! That was flattering, and I learned how to get the best bang out of thoughts, paper, ink, and stamps. --Kind of like the “Karen” at the Oshkosh Herald who refuses to print anything about Franki.
Xmas 2013 Card
Xmas 2014 Card A Description
2014 was the ONLY year we sent out two versions of our card. I was bent on making fun of the biggest news story of the year--Bill Cosby. Our little Franki, who understood our Christmas card process by this time, hated my joke! She didn't get it. I respected her important input and asked what her version of a funny Christmas card might look like? Franki (12-years old) said, "What if Santa got caught sending nudes from his phone!" WTF!!! That was a perfect idea because of the wild leaks in 2014! Over 500 celebrities had their PRIVATE nude photos hacked and exposed to the World, including Jennifer Lawrence! So, I did a little photo editing and delivered Franki's (12-year-old) vision of a funny Xmas card (to 90 percent of the non-family peeps who would likely enjoy it). The Other 10 percent received our Cosby card, which I thought was way more fun.
Xmas 2014 Card A
Xmas 2014 Card B Description
2014 was the ONLY year we sent out two versions of our card. I was bent on making fun of the biggest news story of the year--Bill Cosby. Our little Franki, who understood our Christmas card process by this time, hated my joke! She didn't get it. We send our Cosby version Christmas card to 10% of our audience, who would have been too shocked seeing Santa in a brassiere on the front of our card. Selfishly, I was delighted that the Cosby scandal stayed front-center on the news for years that followed!
Xmas 2014 Card B
Xmas 2015 Card Description
Four (4) celebrities made the news in 2015. Donald Trump said he was running for president; Justin Bieber tested his fame with reports of drugs and arrogance; Charlie Sheen spoke in a drunken stupor after jail time saying, “WINNING!”; Bruce Jenner surgically turned himself into a woman. What could be funny about all of that!? Well, a particular rat made the news that year too. A photographer captured the irony of this rat dragging a triangular pizza slice up the subway steps. The video went viral, and the media named him “Pizza Rat”. It turns out that Pizza Rat was our dog’s dance partner and they won the celebrity contest on Dancing With The Stars that year! You can’t make this s#it up! Unbelievable!
Xmas 2015 Card
Xmas 2016 Card Description
Our 2016 card might always be my favorite. Trump was running for president against Hillary Clinton. Private details of the Clinton campaign were somehow reported daily on Wikileaks, and the news media let us all know about it. Here is the joke that I imagined: Twitter became the beacon of political communications; Trump was reported across all media as a lunatic running for president; Hillary had a family history of strange trash; Putin sat back and enjoyed the battle and could give a flying #uck about any of it! It all culminated in-and-around December, and I put it on our card. There.
Xmas 2016 Card
Xmas 2017 Card Description
I'm NOT going to lie; 2017 was a challenging year to create a joke. Set the stage: Randi was in the middle of college--attending UW-Milwaukee. She majored in Dance, and yoga was a natural past-time hobby for her. When she visited, she would show us the new yoga stances she had learned. The rest of us didn't get into yoga as Randi did, but we did our best to show our support. So here was the joke: Our little family had a contest to see who could perform the BEST yoga positions. The three of us (Franki, Kathy, and I) did our group position in the middle of the highway while traveling to my nephew's wedding in Minnesota. A Winnebago County cop drove by and arrested us. –We asked him if we could at least capture a photo. That was a bad day but it made for a great Christmas card.
Xmas 2017 Card
Xmas 2018 Card
Xmas 2019 Card Description
In 2019, everything on the news was about impeaching Donald Trump, and I was hoping to manufacture a joke about it. What could be funny about an impeachment? I bet most of our card recipients didn't understand the joke and tossed our card into the garbage. ..."im-peach-ment” sounds close to "a-peach-dent"... get it?! The Santa banana was sported on the backside of the card because of the news that year, that an "artist" earned one hundred twenty thousand dollars for his "banana-duct-taped-to-a-wall" exhibit. I didn't get "jack" for putting a little Santa cap and beard on the banana I taped to the back of our card. ? --Go figure.
Xmas 2019 Card
Xmas Card 2020 Description
2020 was the year of "Zoom" and the company's stock went crazy. The joke that I imagined that year is that Santa is upset that his elves voted to purchase a Zoom app for their phones instead of the cocoa machine that he was hoping for. –The idea is similar to the red states that opposed the election outcome that year. But the real joke is that Santa’s elves somehow rigged the vote to watch 24X7 Zoom porn at the North Pole.
Xmas 2020 Card
Xmas 2021 Card
Xmas 2022 Card Description
2022 was the year of argument that men can have babies. The definition of a “women” was uncertain and, if we push back, we are racist and canceled. The New England Journal of Medicine recommended that hospital birth certificates should NOT have a checkbox that identifies the biological sex of a baby—that is something that should be determined by the adolescent after they reach four years of age. Finally, we shouldn’t be calling our newborns “babies”, rather “theybies” until they tell us how they identify. Reconstructive surgery can now be performed without a parent’s consent. You can see our 2022 opinion to this all on our Christmas card, if you retrieve it out of your garbage and clean off your “holiday” fixings to read it.
Xmas 2002 Card Description
2002 was the first year that we formally created a card. I'm not going to lie, we sent out a custom card the year prior but it was basically a photo of three huge snowmen that we built on a miracle snow day that we have never lived (yet) again. But in 2002, we made our own cards from scratch, and even printed names on the envelopes. It was a basic family card before unleashing my (John’s) sarcastic humor. Franki was 11 months old, Randi was eight, and we thought to show the girls together because we didn't get out much with our new baby the entire year. The country was still getting over the 911 incident that happened the year prior when Franki was a bun in the oven.
Xmas 2002 Card
Xmas 2003 Card Description
The feedback that we received from our first card in 2002 caused us to make another. Printing them and getting them out was painful, but the feedback was flattering. We were pretty sure that this would be the last year that we put in all the work because we started getting some pretty nice glossy, custom, commercially-created cards from friends (smart).
Xmas 2003 Card
Xmas 2004 Card
Xmas 2005 Card Description
In 2005 we started getting cards early from friends, and a couple of people wrote within their pleasantries that they enjoyed seeing our family photos and cited my previous year’s comment that was written on the back. I ran out of time to develop a new layout, so I just re-used my work from two years ago (notice the similarity), but I tried to sport a more profound statement on the back that I stole from Groucho Marx. We had many photos that Kathy would have liked to put on the card and agreed that we look into that (NEXT year).
Xmas 2005 Card
Xmas 2006 Card Description
Throughout 2006, a few friends and neighbors commented that they enjoy our Xmas cards, especially checking out the back before they put it away! So this year, instead of trying to be cute on the backside of the card, I thought to show my twisted sense of humor on the card artwork itself and see if that might tickle our audience more. I knew we had hit a home run when my father-in-law told me how hard he laughed.
Xmas 2006 Card
Xmas 2007 Card Description
Our 2007 card required more Photoshopping than all of our previous cards. (And probably the most ink!) I came up with the idea by imagining how presents might get delivered on Christmas, how our family could achieve that, and what we might look like in that process? Franki posed by hanging over the arm of the couch and cupped her hands. I stood on a chair to shoot Randi and Kathy. Franki loved the card, as did our close friends. Kathy's mom, Judy, HATED it and was sure to inform us immediately when it arrived. My brother Karl said, "I didn't get it." We then realized that my humor is “pretty out there”. But, this card caused people to tell us that they keep our cards and often attach them to their refrigerator to let their friends weigh in on my (strange) humor.
Xmas 2007 Card
Xmas 2008 Card Description
In 2008, because of the negative feedback we received from the elephant shooting me out its butt the year prior, I put "complaining Karen" right on the front of our card and an option to unsubscribe on the back. Friends who grew up with me know that I love to draw cartoons, and this one was a grin for me. I liked the artwork so much that we printed it on our envelopes for several years after. By this year, I believe we were on our second printer.
Xmas 2008 Card
Xmas 2009 Card Description
Our 2009 card was the first of which I used an Excel spreadsheet to print the recipient's name on the face. So, everyone that received our card that year read their name on Santa’s Nice list. That year, Tiger Woods was in the news, having made gobs of wrong choices. So, as Tiger’s name was moved to the Naughty list, Santa noticed a new name that took his place. I also responded to feedback that said our cards were better when there was a joke on the backside. Our best feedback was from my old boss, Fred Leach. That sealed the deal that my humor hit the mark.
Xmas 2009 Card
Xmas 2010 Card Description
By 2010, "Dancing with the Stars" was a family-favorite TV success in its 10th season. There was HUGE voting controversy, and the show refused to change its voting strategy. People complained about the winner, who wasn't Santa's favorite either. As well as sporting an angry Santa on a Christmas card, I was a little bolder with the backside comment that suggests using duct tape to silence little darlings. At this point, the feedback was sparse, and we went months without a mention.
Xmas 2010 Card
Xmas 2011 Card Description
In 2011, Brett Favre was often the topic of conversation among our circles and more. That year, he officially retired (again) after a season with the Minnesota Vikings. My corporate office was near Minneapolis, and I was beside myself to share this card with my co-workers and Packers’ friends. In this joke, Lenny the Elf misinterpreted and misspelled Favre's name and devised a girl's styling head for Santa to give to kids as a great gift item. Only kids from Farve's home state appreciated this scary toy.
Xmas 2011 Card
Xmas 2012 Card Description
This (2012) card idea came after months of two major news stories that shook me. First, Elmo got canceled from Sesame Street TV because of a sex scandal with his puppeteer. What does that have to do with Elmo?--a lot! Next, my favorite childhood snack lunch brand, Hostess, filed for bankruptcy, and my Twinkies and Moon Pies disappeared from store shelves. I suspect that Santa liked Twinkies as much as me and the combination of Elmo’s sex scandal news and his NOT sharing his stash of Twinkies, Santa threw Elmo out of the sled at 40-thousand feet over the Atlantic Ocean. I still don’t blame Santa; Moon Pie knockoffs are not as chewy and flavorful as I remember. Elmo was never found, but there are exciting conspiracy theories about him washing up alive on the north shore of Cuba and starting a Christmas ornament business (he’s such a Santa’s kiss-ass).
Xmas 2012 Card
Xmas 2013 Card Description
In 2013, ”Obamacare" was a household term and concept that was in the news the entire year. Unfortunately, they launched the website before it was remotely stress-tested, and people could not enroll and enjoy the free benefits. When Santa too was locked out of the Obamacare website, he noticed that Vixen had one follower on Twitter--1 more than Obama had from his website enrollments. This was my first tiny political jest, and the feedback lit up! That was flattering, and I learned how to get the best bang out of thoughts, paper, ink, and stamps. --Kind of like the “Karen” at the Oshkosh Herald who refuses to print anything about Franki.
Xmas 2013 Card
Xmas 2014 Card A Description
2014 was the ONLY year we sent out two versions of our card. I was bent on making fun of the biggest news story of the year--Bill Cosby. Our little Franki, who understood our Christmas card process by this time, hated my joke! She didn't get it. I respected her important input and asked what her version of a funny Christmas card might look like? Franki (12-years old) said, "What if Santa got caught sending nudes from his phone!" WTF!!! That was a perfect idea because of the wild leaks in 2014! Over 500 celebrities had their PRIVATE nude photos hacked and exposed to the World, including Jennifer Lawrence! So, I did a little photo editing and delivered Franki's (12-year-old) vision of a funny Xmas card (to 90 percent of the non-family peeps who would likely enjoy it). The Other 10 percent received our Cosby card, which I thought was way more fun.
Xmas 2014 Card A
Xmas 2014 Card B Description
2014 was the ONLY year we sent out two versions of our card. I was bent on making fun of the biggest news story of the year--Bill Cosby. Our little Franki, who understood our Christmas card process by this time, hated my joke! She didn't get it. We send our Cosby version Christmas card to 10% of our audience, who would have been too shocked seeing Santa in a brassiere on the front of our card. Selfishly, I was delighted that the Cosby scandal stayed front-center on the news for years that followed!
Xmas 2014 Card B
Xmas 2015 Card Description
Four (4) celebrities made the news in 2015. Donald Trump said he was running for president; Justin Bieber tested his fame with reports of drugs and arrogance; Charlie Sheen spoke in a drunken stupor after jail time saying, “WINNING!”; Bruce Jenner surgically turned himself into a woman. What could be funny about all of that!? Well, a particular rat made the news that year too. A photographer captured the irony of this rat dragging a triangular pizza slice up the subway steps. The video went viral, and the media named him “Pizza Rat”. It turns out that Pizza Rat was our dog’s dance partner and they won the celebrity contest on Dancing With The Stars that year! You can’t make this s#it up! Unbelievable!
Xmas 2015 Card
Xmas 2016 Card Description
Our 2016 card might always be my favorite. Trump was running for president against Hillary Clinton. Private details of the Clinton campaign were somehow reported daily on Wikileaks, and the news media let us all know about it. Here is the joke that I imagined: Twitter became the beacon of political communications; Trump was reported across all media as a lunatic running for president; Hillary had a family history of strange trash; Putin sat back and enjoyed the battle and could give a flying #uck about any of it! It all culminated in-and-around December, and I put it on our card. There.
Xmas 2016 Card
Xmas 2017 Card Description
I'm NOT going to lie; 2017 was a challenging year to create a joke. Set the stage: Randi was in the middle of college--attending UW-Milwaukee. She majored in Dance, and yoga was a natural past-time hobby for her. When she visited, she would show us the new yoga stances she had learned. The rest of us didn't get into yoga as Randi did, but we did our best to show our support. So here was the joke: Our little family had a contest to see who could perform the BEST yoga positions. The three of us (Franki, Kathy, and I) did our group position in the middle of the highway while traveling to my nephew's wedding in Minnesota. A Winnebago County cop drove by and arrested us. –We asked him if we could at least capture a photo. That was a bad day but it made for a great Christmas card.
Xmas 2017 Card
Xmas 2018 Card
Xmas 2019 Card Description
In 2019, everything on the news was about impeaching Donald Trump, and I was hoping to manufacture a joke about it. What could be funny about an impeachment? I bet most of our card recipients didn't understand the joke and tossed our card into the garbage. ..."im-peach-ment” sounds close to "a-peach-dent"... get it?! The Santa banana was sported on the backside of the card because of the news that year, that an "artist" earned one hundred twenty thousand dollars for his "banana-duct-taped-to-a-wall" exhibit. I didn't get "jack" for putting a little Santa cap and beard on the banana I taped to the back of our card. ? --Go figure.
Xmas 2019 Card
Xmas Card 2020 Description
2020 was the year of "Zoom" and the company's stock went crazy. The joke that I imagined that year is that Santa is upset that his elves voted to purchase a Zoom app for their phones instead of the cocoa machine that he was hoping for. –The idea is similar to the red states that opposed the election outcome that year. But the real joke is that Santa’s elves somehow rigged the vote to watch 24X7 Zoom porn at the North Pole.
Xmas 2020 Card
Xmas 2021 Card
Xmas 2022 Card Description
2022 was the year of argument that men can have babies. The definition of a “women” was uncertain and, if we push back, we are racist and canceled. The New England Journal of Medicine recommended that hospital birth certificates should NOT have a checkbox that identifies the biological sex of a baby—that is something that should be determined by the adolescent after they reach four years of age. Finally, we shouldn’t be calling our newborns “babies”, rather “theybies” until they tell us how they identify. Reconstructive surgery can now be performed without a parent’s consent. You can see our 2022 opinion to this all on our Christmas card, if you retrieve it out of your garbage and clean off your “holiday” fixings to read it.